Jennifer

2005-11-19T03:37:00.000-06:00

I'm not so good at secrets yet no one knows much about me. *sighs* The irony....

I'm in need of a vaction and I mean a vacation. Where on earth is this vaction going to be? I know exactly who I'd like to spend it with.... but WHERE?!

2005-11-01T14:21:00.000-06:00

Slight snafoo in my scheme of things. No need to go into detail about it - just the jist of it all. I'm not a healthy person emotionally or mentally. This has been going on for probably a year now, perhaps longer. Why am I just admitting it now? It's starting to have an affect on my relationships. If I seem distant, it's nothing personal. I'm just trying to get a grip on reality and fix what I have let go wrong for so long.

2005-10-27T22:00:00.000-05:00

I take it back. I don't want to see anyone. No parties for me. I'd rather sit at home passed out from chasing valium with wine.

Don't worry about me though. I do just fine on my own -grins-

Torn ~ Natalie Imbruglia ............... this woman is singging how I feel.

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm
He came around
And he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry

Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know
Or seem to care
What your heart is for
I don't know him anymore

There's nothin' where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothings right
I'm torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn

So I guess the fortune tellers right
I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins
And now, I don't care
I have no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can't touch
I'm torn

There's nothin' he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's right
I'm torn

2005-10-25T10:55:00.000-05:00

Oh my... someone still reads this...

The drudgery of Macy's. They're decorating for Christmas. That's just sick. Halloween hasn't even passed yet you corporate bastards! The plus side this mad decorating, it reminds me of Nightmare Before Chrismas. Oh do behave!

A new wrinkle in my life is the death of my Buster cat. He passed away in his sleep last Sunday and I'm still sad about it. Some of you anti-pet people may question my sanity for actually mourning the death of a pet but it happens. That's life so don't ridicule me. I'm raw dammit.

I'm looking forward to Halloween now. I'm hoping to see old friends and meet new ones.

Jay Goode! Take me to that party - I command thee.

2005-09-30T07:29:00.000-05:00

The storm has passed. I can come out now to play but I don't want to. I've been discarded too easily - my ego is bruised. I'm like wallpaper and you just keep on going by without a second thought.

2005-09-12T05:16:00.000-05:00

This place sucks. I don't mean Evansville the city persay [word?] - I mean the reality I have created for myself. It's a hell hole. I need a change... a big change. My mind is yearning for something new, my body is aching for a new touch.

You know what the hell I want to do?! I want to quit this bullshit college crap and go be a stinkin' flight attendant. In the spring, I want to apply to ALL airlines and hopefully get hired on in the summer. I'll go anywhere they want to send me! But you know what I'm going to do? Probably move back home to my new old life. New old life you ask? My family is moving and said they've already planned in my coming home for the summer = new. The same people will be in that city that I ran away from in the first place = old.

That old part of my life is still too fresh... raw opened wounds are still there. I would feel to vulnerable there. Yet if I stay here in Evansville, I'll shut myself away. No one will reach me. I will be consumed with fear of letting others get too close again and then just hurt me. I'm chickenshit. I run. I hide. It's a bitch.

I want to leave this physical and emotional place and leave it all behind me. Not a care in the world. Go live with those weird Irish, right Natalie? You know I would like that. Or how about livin' it up with the Italians or the Greeks? I want culture. I crave culture

I'm craving something else... something out west. I want to feel that something and I want that something to feel me. Breath. Smell. Warmth. Understanding.

I can't sleep...

2005-09-04T17:06:00.000-05:00

Long time no type. Me wonders if people come here anymore since i temporarily abandoned blogger...

To those that call my cell, you may not be able to reach me. I don't receive some calls but I do, however, receive ALL messages. Moral to this schpeel, leave me a message and I will try my damnedest [word?] to get back to you :)

Classes are awesome. I'm a little apprehensive about figure drawing class... not sure if I will be successful in it.

I'm working at Macy's. Boo! So if you want to buy overpriced jewelry or want to open a credit account [wink wink] I'm ALWAYS working except Tuesdays and Thursdays.

My over-reacting thoughts: I'm in debatement over everything. I mean EVERYTHING... friendships [mainly past friendships], my relationship to John, my living status which will effect what college I go to next fall. I'm surprised I don't have an ulcer... just migraines

Good news! I have a new cat! Bad news is I have three cats in a one bedroom apartment with two people live here

2005-06-03T13:20:00.000-05:00

Still no internet at my apartment. Still no second job. By the way, I work at Macy's . . . stocking ladies shoes. Boring! But it won't interfere with school in the fall - that's nice.

I am no longer eligble for finaical aid including student loans. My earned hours per semester fell below the limit. So, now I have to retake some class to earn my hours or write an appeal letter. I'm opting for the letter because I can't afford to take classes right now. I received an F in intro to Lit. I had it coming. I stopped attending that class [internet class- so I guess I stopped logging in]. The professor and I kept butting heads. Neither one of us could see the picture from the other's point of view. So, I failed that class. And I received an incomplete in my jewelry class. But that prof and I had made an agreement that she would give me the incomplete and I would receive my grade next fall. I didn't complete one piece and she didn't want to lower my grade because she felt my completed work was A quality but I couldn't receive my grade until I completed the one piece. And this is where I've come to a stop. I need to write that appeal letter . . . and . . . hopefully, they will except my appeal and grant me loans again. But if they deny my appeal, I'm going to have to drop 12 hours which will result in no health insurance.

I have an anti-social bug currently. My apologies to my friends who I have not called yet.

I'm in Indy right now. I'm picking up 2 cats to bring back to Evansville. I couldn't take them that last time I was here because my oldest cat was sick and I didn't want him to be stressed over the move AND be sick. But he's much better . . . I miss having my babies. So, I came back to Indy on Thursday and I'll be leaving on Saturday.

Hopefully, John and I will have the internet soon. I'm fienin'! Look out folks. I'm an anti-social mad woman who needs her fix!

I hope all of you are doing well with whatever you're doing. If you have my number, call me sometime. I'm usually at the apartment and not doing a damn thing. LoL Kisses to you all!

2005-05-14T12:22:00.000-05:00

I won't have the internet for awhile at my new apartment. So for now, I'll be going to the Central Library every Saturday to get my internet fix . . . for 15 minutes at a time. I can't get a library card until I can prove [with mail] that I am a Vanderburgh County resident . . . lame! But oh well

Yes, I'm all moved in. No, I'm not unpacked yet . . . tons of boxes! I won't be in Evansville next weekend because I'm going to my cousin's wedding and picking up my adorable cats in the same weekend!

I'm still jobless. Eeeee!

And, that's about it! Muah! Love you all!

2005-05-09T14:44:00.000-05:00

I'm rather disappointed in a couple people right now. They did not complete their obligations . . . which leaves me responsible for THEIR obligations. I understand people are busy with life, but so am I dammit. I don't appreciate the lack of consideration they have both demonstrated.

What I have done already on my agenda [Monday]:
signed the lease
put rent money in the bank
put gas in my car
work at Res Life for 3 hours
attend the silly RA banquet - Hawaiian [sp?] theme

what I need to acomplish on my agenda [Monday continued]:
dafter RA banquet, come back to USI apartment and finish packing
after packing, clean ALL of living room and kitch
after cleaning, take packed stuff to Timbers apartment
help John with whatever I can with our stuff

what I need to acomplish on my agenda [Tuesday]:
work at Res Life for another 3 hours
come back to USI apartment to finish any cleaning
return to Timbers apartment and continue to unpack our stuff
find job

what I need to acomplish on my agenda [Wednesday]:
work at Res Life for another 3 hours
continue to find job
officially check out of USI apartment
go to my new home at the Timbers

Audrey, thank you again for jumping in to help me clean the filthy apartment. I really appreciated that soooooooooooooo much!

I'm so glad to be out of here and not deal with so many people [internally or externally] anymore. The week has been rough on me . . . as it has been rough others as well. It's almost over. This week's issues will be over really soon. And then a new set of issues will be close behind . . . but we'll make it.

2005-04-30T23:57:00.000-05:00

Tonight was alright. The ONLY good thing about tonight was that I saw Jeni and Nicole in a musical called "Anything Goes". It was awesome. I knew nothing about the production. I only knew that my girls were in it . . . and I wanted to watch it! Bravo!!!

And then the evening turned to crap after that. I felt like I was reminded of who actually feeds me. I don't need to be reminded, thank you. It bothers me that I can't afford to feed my belly, thank you. I don't need it thrown in my face, thank you . . . and you can't figure out why I'm irritated.

I'm mad dammit!

And fucking hungry because pride took over.

And now I have nothing to do. For once, in a realllllllllll long time . . . I'm bored out of my mind. I don't want to watch tv. I don't want to read. I don't wan to paint. All I want to do is play WoW . . . but I can't. I am without at the moment. Think I'll go to bed now.

2005-04-26T19:05:00.000-05:00

Please tell me the difference between "very liberal" and Libertarian. I'm awfully confused. Someone, anyone! please enlighten the political unsavvy . . . I for one . . . am political unsavvy. I'm not proud of it, but dammit . . . at least I can admit it.

For those of you who had auditions today, good luck. I know Kay did . . . I don't know if anyone else did though. Eeeeee, for some reason I feel I should know these things.

10 official days till moving day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update on the family: I'm pretty sure all of my Grandpa's are out of the hospital. Mama is going to Florida to help one Grandpa while the other Grandpa is left to the "medical unsavvy" people . . . a.k.a my dad's family. I'm pregnant - about 2 weeks. The pregancy seems to be fine *so far*. Give it a while before I regret it not taking Plan B. I officially have one father now . . . in my heart. Some of you know what I'm talking about. If you don't know and want to know what the hell I'm talking about, just email, call, ask . . . whatever. For the meantime, I have my closure - for now.

10 offical days till moving day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My paintings are coming along swimmingly . . . a bit slow, but just fine. Jewelery is kickin' ass. I'm on a roll in that class.

Oh, and I'm not pregnant. I was just keeping all of you on your toes. Hope I made some of your hearts jump a bit. HA! I'm hysterical! I crack my shit up . . .

Moving on. I have loads of crap in my room because of this move to the new apartment. I lost my jewelery artbox in here. No worries! I found it though. Nice little warm and fuzzy update, isn't this? Well, minus the pregnant joke, eh?

Again, tell me the difference between Libertarian and "very liberal" NOW!

2005-04-26T02:27:00.000-05:00

Cara, you've already heard my song . . . but Kay, you obviously . . . have . . . NOT. So here it is - in the tune "Hust Little Baby" [the nursery rhyme]

Hush little Gordy don't you pout.
Libbers gonna get you a great big trout.
If that trout don't taste like fish,
Libbers gonna get you a silver dish.
If that silver dish don't shine,
Libbers gonna get you a stuffed swine.
If that stuffed swine don't oink
Libbers gonna get you a sex kitten to boink.

The End

I wrote it in honor of Gordy. Like? Jas wasn't too sure toward the end . . . . . . I'm just not a literary person, Jas. Stop judging me!

2005-04-19T02:47:00.000-05:00

My life is a series of hallways with many, many, many doors. There is a constant breeze flowing through...... closing some doors....... opening other doors. And the wind keeps blowing certain doors ajar. Find the source of the wind that opens the certain doors ajar and snuff it out!

2005-04-18T21:45:00.000-05:00

It must be in the air.... Nostalgia.... It's a killer.... particularly when you're thinking of times that you're wanting to forget. Just laying on the bed, listening to some music and he invades into my thoughts. Thank my giddy-aunt the phone rang and my thoughts were interupted.

But then there are times I don't know how I could forget. Botter messaged me saying that she couldn't believe it's been 4 years since our awesome junior year in high school. She and I gawked with admiration at our eye candy of the moment. Those were the days when we would drive passed said candy's homes to see if they were home. Whether they were home or not, we never did anything. We were just keeping "surveilence" [sp?] on the them. Silly little girls....

2005-04-17T02:23:00.000-05:00

2 weeks till showtime and I'm in a fucking block. PAINTINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They'll be the death of me. I have 1 finish, 2 halfway, 1 drawn out, and 2 . . . . well 2 canvases . . . . I have no fucking clue what I'm going to paint. I'm at a fucking block!

::smacking head::

::curses self::

I don't know what to paint. It all has to have meaning. Why does it HAVE to have meaning?! Why can't it be non-thought provoking?! Just look at it for it's simplicity or it's beauty. Why must it be analyzed until you forget what you're even looking at?

This is why I don't want to be a fucking painter! Sure, I enjoy it but you art critics out there are sucking the life out of art. I don't want my art to make you think . . . . I want my art to be soft, pleasing, calming, and relaxing dammit!

I just can't concentrate with all these distractions. The fucking tv is on. I can hear giggling from the living room. STOP IT before I take away your existence!

2005-04-15T14:50:00.000-05:00

Some little fecker has hit my car! No? Yes! My car's left rearend . . . . poor thing. A hit-n-run? Yes! How do I know? Good question. The paint is crack and there's rubber marks on the side. Apparently, the dumb feck hit my sweet Eva and made the bumper buckle in and then the buckle popped out. Bastards! How dare you hit a pink car!

2005-04-13T17:18:00.000-05:00

Let me share an email I received from my supervisor [sp?]. Here goes:

Jennifer,
There is a bumper on the other side of your building right behind your apartment, in the bushes. It belongs to the guy that drives the black jeep like mine. Tell him he needs to do something with it, or it will be put in the dumpster. If it is not gone by Friday, please throw it away. Thanks!

My reply if I were a disrespectful adult would be:

To my dearest Matt,
Um, no. I am not a member of the trash collection agency. K? Thankies!

Love, love your favorite RA in the entire world,
Jen-Jen

P.S. Eat my shorts

Hmmmmmm, can I get that in a singging telegram format? The End. That's the end of my schpeel. Congrats to all my good friends cast in the "Little Shop of Horrors". I wish I could be there tonight for opening night but, instead, I'm working another mundane desk shift. Break a leg!

To any of my residents who own a jeep minus a bumper or are friends with him, pick the damn bumper up. If you're going to hide it in the bushes, at least do better at hiding. Can't you put it in a tree or something? Or the roof of our apartment building? Ooooooooo, or on Matt's walkway? That'd me nice.

2005-04-08T03:27:00.000-05:00

Go HERE to look at old faces . . . . Fortuneately for me, there aren't any bad old faces that upchuck the not-so-good memories. Look me up and add me you silly geese. You'll know what I'm talkin' about once you get there.

2005-04-06T02:35:00.000-05:00

Audrey Raber! I wish you had a journal where I could leave comments. I want to leave comments and let you know that I read . . . even though you don't update often.

2005-04-05T02:15:00.000-05:00

I was accused of being a cool RA. HEY! Take that back! I didn't break up a party . . . in MY building . . . merely tamed the party down. Beer all over the place. People all over the place. And what did little Libbers do [that would be me]? She herded everyone back into the apartment and told them to keep themselves and their cheap booze in the apartment. Oh, and kindled demanded that they use black trash bags . . . duh . . . the white ones can be seen through.

Want to hear my shopping list? It's a sexy one. I promise ::bat bat:: go the eyes ::bat bat ::

black t-shirt [to be ripped and slut-i-fied]
black lace boy shorts [to be slut-i-fied]
black garter [slut-i-fied enough]
colored pasties [to be slut-i-fied]
5" stilletos [slut-i-fied enough]

You're probably wondering to yourself, "Self? Why would my ________ [fill in the blank with the following: daughter, girlfriend, or friend] buy such things?" Well, lets just say Jeni and I will be doin' our thang.

Sex ED

2005-04-01T22:53:00.000-06:00

Have I got something for you?! I have always liked to think that I was "in the know" of sexual education. Well ladies and gentlemen, have I got one for you . . . I had no idea what an i.u.d was until seconds ago.

The IUD is a small, T-shaped piece of flexible plastic that fits inside a woman's uterus to prevent pregnancy. There are 2 types of IUD's: copper and progestin (a hormone found in birth control pills). The copper IUD lasts 10 years and the progestin IUD lasts 5 years. IUDs work mainly by preventing fertilization, and interfering with the sperm's ability to reach the egg.

If you didn't know about this, please go here for more info. I was floored when I read it. Now you're probably wondering, "Why is she looking at birth control?" you little nosey-neds and nancys . . . I'm working front desk right now and I saw this yellow folder that said, THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW. So I naturally opened it because I'm guilty for being a nosey-nancy. And there was all of this info on birth control! Oh-my-giddy-aunt! Behold IUD!!!!!

For you little sex pervies out there . . . . . . . .

2005-03-21T13:36:00.000-06:00

It is done by us all, as God disposes, from
the least cast or worm to what must have been
in the case of the brontosauer, say, spoor
of considerable heft, something awesome.

We eat, we evacuate, survivors that we are.
I think these things each morning with shovel
and rake, drawing the risen brown buns
toward me, fresh from the horse oven, as it were,

or rolling the alfalfa-green ones, expelled
in a state of ooze, through the sawdust bed
to take a serviceable form, as putty does,
so as to lift out entire from the stall

And wheeling to it, storming up the slope,
I think of the angle of repose the manure
pile assumes, how sparrows come to pick
the redelivered grain, how inky-cap

coprinus mushrooms spring up in a downpour.
I think of what drops from us and must then
be moved to make way for the next and the next. However
much we stain the world, spatter

it with our leavings, make stenches, defile
the great formal oceans with what leaks down,
trundling off today's last barrowful,
I honor shit for saying, we go on.

~Maxine Kumin Excrement

I thought I would share with the internet and you one of my all time favorite poems. To me, it's about going on. We go one despite of the shit around us. Read more into it if you need to. Soak it up . . . soak it up like the little sponge you are . . . . craving for more out life. Crave everything and anything. And after you're done craving - Satisfy that craving.

2005-03-18T21:16:00.000-06:00

Oooooooooooooooooooooooo baby! I changed the look of the blog! And without any kind of help from Jas too!

2005-03-17T10:14:00.000-06:00

Alone or lonely? Alone = to be without anyone or anything physically. Lonely = to feel alone

What is there to be lonely about? It's spring . . . almost. People are starting to come out of their burrows and be social. Be friendly. Be NICE. "It's glorious" complimetary of Brian [former neighbor boy]

I have been reading and hearing about loneliness for a bit. "lonely people make happy people even happier . . . "

Quite the contrary in my eyes. Lonely people are needy people. Clingy people. Lonely people yearn for something that I cannot describe and they grab onto whatever . . . entertains them for that moment. Completes them for that moment. And you my little Gingey cookie are none of those things. I do not presume to know all the facts and the history about you. But I don't think it's a case of loneliness. I think it's a case of dissatisfaction. Something is missing. And no body is going to fill that void. You're a strong and willful person. You can do anything. That was meant for one person and that person knows who he/she is.

To the general public, lonely people tend to make my ass twitch. "You people make my ass twitch" complimetary of Meg Ryan in French Kiss. And for the lonely people out there, get your head out of your arses. You're so dependent on material things for entertainment [shopping, tv, theatre, friends, drinking, gossip, etc] that you have forgotten to be independent. Do things on your own. Do it for yourself.

You're in rooms of people around you but you still feel alone. Are you relying on those people to make you feel not alone? That's where you're mistaken. Stop putting yourself in that type of environment. Just think why that doesn't make any sense. Put yourself in a different setting where you can be alone and think about why you feel lonely. I suggest a walk . . .

Set some time aside for yourself only and take a walk somewhere. Do some thinking. I personally like walking in the woods. The only interuptions out there is the woods itself, but that's natural - not material, which is what I want to get away from. Now if you're not wood savvy, DON'T GO. I don't want to turn on the tv and hear about someone I know lost in the woods and had to be hospitalized for a broken leg and hypothermia.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not tired of hearing or reading about said loneliness. I just want the person speaking/writing to get out their thoughts and truly think about what they just said/wrote. And then I want that person to think of a solution for their issue[s]. I'm only tired of listening/reading to the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and the person keeps "repeating the same mistakes expecting a different outcome. That's insanity people!" complimetary of my mom. I don't mind being an outlet for those feelings because maybe you need an outside opinion.

2005-03-11T16:18:00.000-06:00

Ello! 2 days later of apartment hunting, I believe we looked at 12-14 apartments. In the words of Cara and Kay, "le sigh". John and I finally decided on The Timbers. Go to the link and you'll see some pictures - not the greatest pictures, but pictures indeed. We're going tomorrow officially apply. It's 40 fecking dollars to just apply there. 350 fecking dollars for a pet deposit. But, I'll manage.

Timbers could be my future home. Call me the Art Nymph because our place is going to be covered in art, in color, in BEAUTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because . . . . because . . . because . . We can paint the fecking walls!!!

2005-03-02T16:15:00.000-06:00

I'm a dumb jackass. I have my painting critique tomorrow morning. I was restretching one of my canvas RIP.

Shit I yell. Fuck me I scream. This was going to be a completed canvas I cry. Okay, I didn't really cry but the canvas is supposed to be critiqued tomorrow.

So, I continue on with my stretching, being extra careful that I don't make the rip any bigger and to not make a new rip. RIP There I go again. A new rip.

Shit I yell. Fuck me I scream. This canvas is cursed I cry. Okay, I didn't really cry but the canvas is cursed.

So, now the cavas has been restretched and with 2 rips. One rip on the very back = no biggie. The other rip is on the edge of the canvas, where most of the presser from the pulling/stretching is = big biggie. I'm going to throw some paint on it and see what that does. Hopefully something. Oooooo, I wonder if jesso would work better because it dries fast. Wish me luck. I have one painting done and 2 more to go in, ooooo lets see the countdown, 16-ish hours

2005-02-26T14:21:00.000-06:00

I can't stand it when I forward email to say Bob and Juanita. And then Bob forwards the same forward to Juanita. And then Juanita forward the email [previously from Bob] back to me. I'm thinking, "Hello?! I just sent it to you! Is is too difficult to see who ALREADY received the damn email?!"

Dammit

And then, I have big forwarded messages taking up my mail space. I just hate dumbasses. And if you're reading this and feel you're guilty of it - STOP IT

Cara are I are pregnant. Yes, that's strange. But it's with our virtual kitties. I won't even tell you what my mom does with her virtual kitties. It's rather humorous.

I have all this fruit in the apartment and no one wants to really eat it. So, I'm trying to make fruit smoothies to eat the EIGHT [8], yes EIGHT bananas that we have in our apartment. Bananas, strawberries, oranges, kiwi, pinapple, grapefruit, and blueberries. Oooo, and then I have apple juice, cranberry juice, and pineapple-orange juice. I'm gonna have one hell of a healthy - STOP - I won't go there.

As I type, about every 5-10 minutes, there a single ant that crawls on my wall. I kill it with my finger. 5-10 minutes later, another comes and I kill it with my finger. Another 5-10 minutes later, another comes and I kill it with my finger. Yes, I'm on my laptop for a good 4-8 hours a day. I take breaks of course. But where are these damn ants coming from? There is nothing sweet, no food, no sticky anywhere to attract them! I'm trying to work on my intro to lit work [my internet class] and I'm being distracted because I have to kill the ants one by one. I have remnants of ant on my wall amongst my post-its. eeewwwwwww

In a week, I'm gonna be home! To see my mom and dad! To see my kitties. But not to see our Star cat. He passed away on Thursday. He was having health problems - seizures

This was our Star Kitty. We got him when he was around 11 years old. He was a stray. And, he loved people! He was the most agreeable kat ever. He would do whatever made YOU happy. He would play if you wanted, he would sleep if you wanted, he would cuddle if you wanted . . . . whatever you wanted, he was just a pleasing cat. Mom says, "No offense to any of our cats, but he was the coolest one." Mom had him cremated and then had his ashes put in the garden at the vet's office. We love you Star. We will miss you.

LoL. He kinda looks pregnant in this picture. BUT he's not. Although, when we first got him, we thought he was a she. We had had him about 6-7 months and I was rubbing his belly . . . and his penis popped out. I asked for my mom to come over and check it out. I thought it was worm! No joke. A worm. But she confirmed that our Star kitty was a boy. Fooled me.

2005-02-25T18:59:00.000-06:00

Ooooooooooooooooooooo . . . . . Look what Jas made for me!

Thankies Jas!

2005-02-20T02:33:00.000-06:00

Hope everyone got my message that my new AIM name is BacelloGrair.

And here I sit

in the dark

at 2:30 in the morning

in my room - hoping

that Sarah will not come

out of her room and discover

that we have

a Burgdorf

in our living room.

All the while,

sipping

my Mexican

hot chocolate.

Remind me

to put less vanilla

in the drink

next time.

2005-02-19T20:01:00.000-06:00

Ok, I give!

I'm getting way too involved with my virtual kitties. I now own 21 cats. And I do name searches so that I may name my newborns with "meaningful" names. I'm obsessed. I know. But I don't have my own REAL cats so I have to settle for this. Don't judge me

Stop it.

I feel you pitying me through the screen.

2005-02-19T14:34:00.000-06:00

Running

away

from

the memories

is

difficult.

They keep catching up to me.

Go way! There was a reason for running in the first place!

. . . which has led to a new name. For AIM, my new name is BacelloGrair. But it won't go into effect for a couple of days.

2005-02-18T12:17:00.000-06:00

Blast!

My throat hurts. That's okay I guess. It gives me legitimate reason to eat my lemon-herb throat drops.

Monty [painting prof] is "tired of looking at that painting." Well, Monty, stop looking at it. I'm a slow painter. You've had me for a student for 3 years now. You know I'm a slow drawer, slow , slow learner, and now you know I'm a slow painter. Go stare at someone else's painting that is so much better and was painted faster, dammit

K-K-K-K-Kay

Our apartment smells - AGAIN. I took out the trash when it wasn't even full - and it STILL smells. And I used the last trash bag which I don't really care. Cara, I used the last trash bag since you're the next one to take it out. I think Sarah has some stashed somewhere in her room. Not sure through. IT SMELLS! It's my fault though. I had brocoli in the fridge which I had forgotten about. Oops. Shame on me.

C-C-C-C-Cara

I feel light headed

John and I went to the Internation Food thingy that the Intern'l Club was sponsoring. Very good foods and very queer looking foods. I was a brave little girl and tried the queer foods, but I mostly lingered in the European corner of the room. I couldn't enough of Denmark's dessert.

2005-02-16T14:33:00.000-06:00

I'm a pink-o-tini.

Got key lime pie sitting in my fridge waiting for me after choir.

Got petals. The smelly kind

I don't want to go to choir. It has become mundane yet hectic. I'm tired of defending _____ and then that person shows their ass. _____ is letting me down.

Make the shrill go away!

I have bruises on my shins thanks to Kay. She made me do dives/rolls onto the floor because we were acting like spies. Okay, I lied. She didn't make me do it. But she did inspire me, dammit.

Ripped 40-ish staples out of my canvas this morning. I have about 50 more to go. I need to restretch my canvas. It's loose - like a hoe?

I have a 70% in Intro to Lit. Not too good. I hope to get a B in the end. See some of you soon. See the others later. Kisses!

2005-02-14T22:29:00.000-06:00

no smellies of any kind
not a single petal

2005-02-11T11:19:00.000-06:00

It's amazing how memories are being forgotten. I have to admit, it's the not-so-good ones that are vanishing - not that I'm complaining. Everyday things would remind. And now, those things aren't even phasing me. The sad and guilt . . . . . are retreating where they belong

Gone . . . . along with those memories.

Have a good weekend everyone. I get to go home and visit the Eiteljorg Museum. The museum is have a Georgia O'Keefe exhibition. So, the mom and I are going to it. Yea! The boy will be going to something called ??Motocross?? while the mom and I are out.

2005-02-06T21:39:00.000-06:00

I'm tired of inconsiderate people.

2005-02-06T18:11:00.000-06:00

It's "Shit on RA Month". I'm serious

People are being overly demanding, rude, cussing out innocent people, etc. It's hell. I'm getting it from my own residents, random residents, and my supervisors! Horrible bastards

I must be really bored. I'm watching strange looking males examine their options as to which computer they would like to use. "Hmmmmm, should I sit next to the guy who won't stop yapping on his cell or next to the girl wearing an oversized white sweatshirt who resembles a drooping marshmallow? Decisions - decisions - decisions. I'll take the droppy marshmallow." Down he plops.

2005-02-05T23:19:00.000-06:00

My life in pictures - Google style:

Where I grew up - Indianapolis, Indiana

I now live in Evansville, Indiana

My future permanent home . . . . with the Idiot. LoBe you!

What shows up when I type my name: Jennifer

Hmmmmm, nothing like J. Lo and the Hulk . . . Oh and the pussy-I mean kitty.

What shows up when I type my grandmother's name: Evelyn

Grandma? Is that you? . . . . . . Hussy

My favorite food - Key Lime Cheesecake

Hit it with some homemade non-sweetened whipped cream . . . . ORGASMIC . . . . almost

Favorite Drink[s] - I lovingly call this concoction of sprite, cranberry juice, and malibu rum a Panty dropper. Let the panties come off! If I could materialize Heaven and as sinful as this sounds, I would say it tastes like Heaven.

And then there's good 'ole orange juice.

Favorite band - Coldplay

Favorite smell - Lilly of the valley, hyacynth, and cinnamon

Last but MOST DEFINITELY NOT the least - by best friends

Me and my mama!

And my baby, John!

2005-02-04T01:06:00.000-06:00

I am the proud mother of 3 one day old kittens. Yes-ser-ree. 'Tis I! One boy, Sampsom, and two girls, Gates McFadden and Isis Jane. I got them here.

Heh heh heh

You thought I really had kittens! heh heh heh. Well, there's my cyber kitties. They're so adorable. awwwwww

2005-02-02T17:08:00.000-06:00

Which Evil Criminal are You?

Congratulations, you're President Harry S. Truman!
Due to the death of President Roosevelt, you became President of the United States of America on April 12th, 1945 - just at the tail end of World War Two. Japan had offered a surrender in January, and once you were in power, attempted again in May. In July, they offered surrender at least six times.

In August, against Roosevelt's known wishes and the wishes of many of your advisors, you dropped an atomic bomb on the Japanese city Hiroshima, and another one on Nagasaki. Literally hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians died; many, many more suffered horrible sicknesses from the radiation. As Eisenhower put it: "the Japanese were ready to surrender and it wasn't necessary to hit them with that awful thing."

If you wish, you can proudly tell the world that you unnecessarily levelled an entire population with the following fine graphic:

Which Evil Criminal are You?
A Rum and Monkey crime.

2005-02-02T15:50:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry, but I'm on my pity pot again. I got an email from Sallie Mae saying that they give out scholarships . . . . blah blah blah . . . I read the email a bit further and it says "Delivered through The Fund's Project Access program, these scholarships target low income and minority populations in an effort to increase access to higher education. Project Access addresses three key barriers to higher education-awareness of financial aid, academic performance and financial need."

What the fuck happened to being just low-income? Low income WHITES have just as much problems finacially as the MINORITIES do. COCKSUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-02-01T20:33:00.000-06:00

I'm cruisin' around . . . lookin' for some scholarships online. I go to FastWeb. I'm filling out the appropriate answers and then it lists off "student activities, skills and others" - wanting me to check the ones I'm affiliated to. One of the MANY "student activities, skills, and others" was bisexual. And then later on, it was gay/lesbian. I make it to the "h" section, expecting to find heterosexual . . . because I am. Well, it wasn't there. I thought, "OK, I'll check it when I get to the "s" section [straight]." I get to the "s" section . . . it wasn't there!

- - - pulls pants down and climbs on her pity pot - - -

There are scholarships for children/grandchildren of veterans, Italian-American people, people with foreign heritage, GAYS AND LESBIANS!!!!, black people, people involved in sports, people whose MOTHER gave a child up for adoption. You name it - they got it!

Caucasian = nothing
female = nothing
heterosexual = nothing
Midwest = nothing
German/English/Irish heritage = nothing

Caucasian + female + heterosexual + midwest + German/English/Irish heritage = N.O.T.H.I.N.G

I'm seriously considering putting that I'm bisexual. I bet I get more scholarship applications than if I leave it blank. What a sick world! See what I have to lie about just to get a couple more chances for scholarships?

I'M BISEXUAL!!!

There - I have declared it. I'm official. Can't call me a liar anymore.

What the hell is a "displaced homemaker"?! It's one of the MANY options. They even specify one's height [5'10" or more for female and 6'2" or more for men] to get a scholarship.

2005-02-01T13:13:00.000-06:00

Is it me or is USI Residence Life getting ridiculous? Yesterday, I received an email from my area coordinator that a fellow RA and myself did not do you desk duties properly. I emailed him back asking that he be more specific because I thought I did my duties satisfactory. He replied back that we did not check the following boxes: clear desk, brief next shift, and complete assigned tasks. He also informed fellow RA and me that we "frustrated several people down the line." WTF! Uhhhhhmmm, the only person who would be anal enough to be frustrated over unchecked boxes would the front desk secretary - Angela. Bitch!

Today, I get a forwarded message from Matt [AC] which was written by Angela. Bitch! The message lectured me on how to properly check out residents. I emailed my own retort to Matt AND Angela. Bitch! It contained "I did my job responsibly and properly last night. If this is regarding Mr. ____, the late shift only left a message for him to come to Residence Life and check out properly. I think the early shift gave him his key but did not make him fill out the paperwork. I would appreciate it in the future if you would not single me out for mistakes unless you have the facts straight. Thank you."

And now, I wait - to see if I got myself into trouble with my email. I'm tired of this bullshit. I can't wait for this semester to be over so that I can NEVER be an RA AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You poor saps who are continuing on.

You got guts

or no brains

2005-01-30T15:41:00.000-06:00

"Use the ouchless. We have bungee cords." What movie is that quote from?

2005-01-27T23:51:00.000-06:00

In humanities class today, we discussed why the God was originally painted nude in the Sistine Chapel. And then later, the church ordered that God not be nude. I came across a site which held a contest about "making art safe" for children. I literally feel ill after looking at the artwork that had been photoshopped with clothing.

Why would anyone want to cover up art?. I don't think they understand why the originals were nude in the first place. They were never meant to be altared for censorship. The artwork is not pornography. Therefore, it doesn't need to be censored. I'm angry! Humanism?! Haven't those ill-informed parents heard of humanism?! Maybe they should educate their children rather than censoring them from the art.

These are just a couple of many examples that exist on that silly little site.

2005-01-27T13:59:00.000-06:00

Jay Goode. I feel ill! I feel like shit. But it's not your fault. Give me your bell dammit

2005-01-26T17:21:00.000-06:00

I changed my mind about my previous post . . . I deleted it. I would rather address another issue. If you have a problem with the world in general, a problem with depression, a problem with a relationship/friendship, a problem with your bowels - whatever! SEEK HELP!

Stop making yourself a victim and bitch about it to random people or to people whom you meant to hear your personal issues. I've been talking to the squirrel for a bit and now I'm mad. No, the squirrel didn't make me mad, but the topic[s] in questions made me angry.

I'm tired of obsessive and possessive assholes complaining about their troubles. You got a problem?! Fix it for Christ's sake! There will ALWAYS be someone HOTTER or SMARTER or FASTER or MORE TALENTED than you ever will be. Get over it. Be a real woman/man and fix your damn issues and get over yourself.

This a must . . . I must say this - If you think I'm talking about you . . . . . . . . . . . . .

THEN I AM BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU, ISN'T IT?!

2005-01-25T14:31:00.000-06:00

Zis is for my painting class. I'm duplicating zis. It's another Dali. Go figure

2005-01-24T23:16:00.000-06:00

CARA! THIS ONE IS FOR YOU!

2005-01-23T21:04:00.000-06:00

Dear people who live on campus:

What channel is HBO on campus? It's no longer channel 5.

Sincerely,
Concerned HBO-less student

2005-01-22T21:55:00.000-06:00

Hung out with Cara today. I met her kitties! They're adorable! Smokey and Ozzie. Ozzie plays fetch and Smokey . . . Smokey . . . . lays there while I love on him. We went to visit Kensington and mad hot passionate mad monkey on squirrel on giraffe love. Lemme tell ya . . . it was HOT!

My dad got into a car accident today. He an old man but it was the old man's fault. The old man ran a red light and dad plowed into him. Dad is fine though. He has a sore back.

I bought 80 more dollars worth of painting supplies today: 2 canvas' and 4 painting brushes.

My Rob Dougan CDs came today!

Oh.

And Cara is an alcoholic

2005-01-21T18:36:00.000-06:00

Change of plans. Dad didn't want me to come home because it was supposed to be bad weather. So I made arrangements . . . for nothing. However, now I have the weekend to myself! Yea for that one.

John brought me his Fifth Element and King Arthur DvD's. I don't feel the greatest . . . consumed with womanly emotions. John also bought me Cruise Ship Tycoon. I'm addicted to it!

2005-01-19T17:25:00.000-06:00

Building meeting tonight

Community builder after building meeting

"Religions Around the World" after community builder

No one has contacted me [5 days later] to cover my rounds. Assholes. And if you're reading this, yes I mean you. Because you haven't said anything. None of you self-important people have the time to say, "No, I can't do it." You're all selfish bastards.

I can't go out of my apartment because there is a horde of males outside on their balcony across the street [not my building]. As soon as I pulled my car up to my building and cracked my door open . . . they were yelling at me. "Hey girl!" "How's it going?!" "Come up here!" Who the fuck do they think they are yelling at me from a balcony?! So, I said as nicely as possible, "Gentlemen, first off, my name is Jennifer - not girl. Secondly, if you want female company, you're gonna have to try an awful lot harder than that." And I left. They continued to ask me to come up there. Jackasses . . .

And now I sit here stuffing my face with a reese's penut butter cup. I'm hungry dammit. I could go for some key lime cheesecake right about now.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Bye for now so that I can find some real food.

2005-01-16T14:40:00.000-06:00

I wrote an email to all of my staff 2 days ago asking if SOMEONE could cover my rounds on Sunday. Have I gotten a reply? Nope.

2005-01-15T13:08:00.000-06:00

Classical music [orchestra] + electronic + poetry + a dash of choir = Rob Dougan. Go there and listen to his entire record. I can't stop listening. I'm addicted. Rob Dougan is my coke.

Field trip to Best Buy today! I'm takin' part of my USI refund check and buyin' me a printer/scanner combo. I'm excited. And I don't have to buy a new tv. John is going to let me borrow his new tv.

2005-01-14T01:52:00.000-06:00

Some of us are too familiar with a certain book containing the phrase "sex god." Here's an exerprt from an article I found.

Pius Ruby, a local yoga instructor and father of a 12-year-old sixth-grade girl at Sacajawea Middle School, objected to the book's title.

The term "sex god," Ruby argued, could encourage young girls to approach older boys or men and thus lead to statutory rape.

The title's message is "misleading, degrading and harmful to the minds and possibly the safety" of girls, he said, and could lead to sexually transmitted disease or even suicide.

Crazy adults. If they would actually read the book or at least look it up on the internet, they would know that none of the books in Georgia's series have nothing to do with sex.

Live long and prosper Georgia!

2005-01-13T17:00:00.000-06:00

"The discussion board is like class. Some of you haven't been to class at all this week," writes distance education professor. Gag me says I.

I just saw 2 residents of mine whom I don't ever recall seeing. I felt like an ass when I asked if they were new because I did have 2 new males move into my building . . . Naturally, I assumed they were the NEW ones. Not even close. In fact, they live in the apartment behind me. Double "in fact", I frequent that apartment often to ask that their music be turned down. Anyway, their fridge door won't stay closed. So, they thought to complain to me.

I had a migraine today. I couldn't make it to my painting class for fear of vomiting in class from paint smells. Which reminds me . . . I gotta email my painting prof to tell him what happened. And then I check my email and find " . . . Some of you haven't been to class at all this week."

Probably goin' home next weekend for a few days to try to help out with whatever to needs to be done in the family.

2005-01-09T15:19:00.000-06:00

Highlight it! I can't get it to be the right color so you can see it.

You scored as Punk/Rebel.

Punk/Rebel

69%

Loner

56%

Drama nerd

44%

Goth

25%

Ghetto gangsta

25%

Stoner

19%

Prep/Jock/Cheerleader

13%

Geek

What's Your High School Stereotype?
created with QuizFarm.com

'Tis I. The Rebellious Punk!

2005-01-08T22:28:00.000-06:00

To start off my return to the apartment, the living room lights wouldn't come on. I flipped the breaker switch . . . still no lights. It's really the outlets that don't work, rather than the lights. So, no TV. Bummer

Cleaning . . . in the cabinets, under the cabinets, under the sink . . . oh god . . . mold. under the . . . sink. pool of water . . . . under the sink. It smells. It's sour. I touched it . . . with my hands. I feel icky. and cold. Cara is here. with Perry. They're moving her in. SARAH'S NOT HERE! Yea!!!! But sadly, she will be back in approximately 24 hours. Boo!!!

Holiday break wasn't that great . . . as most of you pretty well know. But I did have a few good moments.

Luckily, I missed all of RA training. Go me with impeccable [2 C's or 1 C?] timing!

And to top off the evening, I filled out 2 work orders on our leaky sink and our lightless living room. Well, I put the wrong phone number down. I'm a spazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. And I just realized I made another minor number mistake on another form. I had to fill a guest registration form for Kensi to stay over for tonight. Yet, I said she was coming on Monday (01/10) rather than Saturday (01/08). Spaz attacks again . . .

2005-01-02T01:19:00.000-06:00

What's the name of the realm between earth and Hell? Until someone gives me the proper name for it, I'm titling it SPOON MY EYES OUT WITH A RUSTY SPOON. This holiday vaction is from SPPON MY EYES OUT WITH A RUSTY SPOON. I feel the need to destroy something, insult people to where they cry, scream at something, anything! I have so much pent up frustration and aggression. My patience have been tried so many times while here.

The whole purpose of being here was to pick up a car that my grandpa was giving to my mom. So, she and I flew down here to spend time with Grandpa and Marge (his third wife) and then drive back home. Then it tured out that my great grandma had to have a mastectomy due to another bout of breast cancer. The surgery went fine but they did a body scan to look for more malignant spots. Sadly, they found 3 questionable areas. Since her surgery was after our scheduled departured from Florida, Mom and I pushed the date back a few days in case something went wrong.

Well, if the shit hasn't hit the fan by now, I don't know what hit because I'm going to tell you how I spent my New Year's Eve. 7 pm rolls around. Grandpa is complaining of chest pains. Mom calls for an ambulance. They do an EKG on him but get results because he some kind of abnormality that hinders their ability to determine if he had a heart attack. They take him to the hospital. Mom follows in the car. I get stay with Marge who is suffering from some form of dimentia. [sidenote on Marge: she forgets where the bathroom is, calls me "honey" because I truly believe she does not know my name, can never remember if she bathed or ate meals, has accused me of giving her liquor, occasionally doesn't remember that she's married, confused her daughter for her dead sister, assumses the identity of her dead sister.... I could go on forever] Marge's daughter comes over to the house so I won't be alone with Marge because she's very upset that her hubby (my grandpa) is going away. She thinks that she has made him mad. So, now, I have to listen to daughter slur her words and drink grandpa's beer. It wasn't a pretty picture. I felt sorry for Marge because she didn't want "that woman around because she's been drinking". So now I have officially entered SPOON MY EYES OUT WITH A RUSTY SPOON. Because her daughter isn't that reliable to be here for Marge and grandpa. So, that means mine and mom's departure will be delayed AGAIN. All I want is to go home and see my dad. To see my boyfriend. To see my cats. To see people who know me, who know how I am, who understand me. Just a couple days with them.... is all I want.

I'm at my wits end! Uncle! I'm all checkmated out! I give up.

And now here I sit.... at the dining room table in my grandpa's house.... drinking milk with chocolate cookies..... as mom chases her cookies with champagne that we opened after the ball dropped to celebrate the new year. What shit of a way to bring in the new year. How depressing to wait up all night hoping that you're family is right while you just sit..... hoping for the best and expecting the worse.... and then forget it's even new year's eve. How memorable

I truly hope everyone's holiday is good to them. Happy birthday Stacie! Love you all.

I'll see you real soon John-boy. Love you

2004-12-24T22:24:00.000-06:00

I should definitely never consider a career that involves assisting older people. I don't have the patience for it. I'm so damn moody half the time!

I looked at my grades today. I did horrible! I got an F in ceramics. Luckily, it was an elective class; And, I have many to choose to from. So, that isn't really a problem.

I hear you Indianans have snow! Lucky sons of bitches! I sincerely, truly miss snow! And the one time I can be with my Floridian family.... it snows like there's no tomorrow at both of my homes.

I miss my kitties. I miss my dad. I miss my boyfriend. I miss sleeping in my bed rather than an airbed in an office/florida room.

I'm on an old person eating schedule. I eat at 9:30 am. Then comes lunch at 12:30. Last is dinner at 5 pm. I normally have a 5-10 hour span between eating sessions. My only source of entertainment is a coloring book, dominos, and playing cards.... unless you count the questions I'm being being bombarded by Marge (my step-grandma).

Mom is/was telling me a story about other family members. I just want to bitch about this one thing this one time on this one hour. To anyone: stop bitching about things if you aren't going to help yourself, fix it yourself, etc if you're capable of helping/fixing it yourself.

There, I'm finished.

A friend gave me ingredients to make panty droppers the before I left for Indy. I took it back to my apartment. I left the following day without packing it. Therefore, it's still in my dining room waiting for dumbass roommates (that would be Sarah) to discover that there is alcohol in my kitchen. So, I guess mom and I will be making a side trip to Evansville on our way home to Indy to pick up my alcohol so that no one will bear witness to my breaking of "university policies".

Merry Christmas everyone. Love you all!

2004-12-14T23:31:00.000-06:00

I've been chewed up and spit back out.

It's been a rough day. Interruptions from everyone and everything imaginable kept happening while I was working on my ceramic project. I had my critique tonight. Lets just say that my project would not stay together. But I finally won the battle . . . it stayed together for my critique.

However, the project won the war. It fell apart about 3 hours AFTER my critique. One of the bowls broke beyond repairability [sp?]. But I think on a different day, in a different week, and perhaps in a different month, I'll manage to salvage the rest of my once beautiful sculpture.

The critique was rather horrible. The instructor says, "How can a first year ceramic student not glaze any of their pieces?" I retort back, "I like paint." Needless to say, she wasn't very pleased with my glazeless art. I beg to differ but I'm not the one who is grading me.

I broke down in Wal-Mart today, crying that is. I was informed via cell phone that my great-grandma FRITSCHE [that one was for you Cara] had breast cancer. I was distraught. I was at the store by myself and I had to call John to come pick me up. In fact, I can't stop tearing up at the mention of the situation. So, coming home from Florida has been pushed back because mom and I want to stay little longer with Grandma FRITSCHE [that one was for you, again, Cara] before, during, and after surgery. Better details at my mom's journal if anyone is that interested . . . I don't feel like writing out the details at this moment.

I don't know if I'll miss any spring training for you RAs out there who read my journal. I have already told Matt that there is a chance that I could miss spring training. I'm not sure yet. Depends how I feel since I will have been traveling from Florida to Indy and then back to Evansville all in a 4-5 day span. I will be tired. I will be cranky. I will be moody.

WAIT! What am I saying?! I'm always like that. La-de-fuckin-da . . .

I have one final left . . . humanities. It should go well.

Well, I'm out. I'm tired and I have nothing to do tomorrow. As if that just made sense. :shakes head:

2004-12-13T20:57:00.000-06:00

I just took a quiz to that tells me what kind of cartoon character I am.

Sadly, I'm like SpongeBob. I detest SpongeBob. Nay, I loathe SpongeBob.

I'm rather upset of this theory.

Why couldn't I be Peppy le Pew? For those of you not familiar with the french skunk, he's a Loony Tune cartoon and he seems to be always chasing a black that accidentally gets white paint on her. He thinks she's a hot skunk . . . so he chases her around Paris. Rather humorous.

Slight change in plans. The mom is leaving earlier than expected. Mom leaves for Florida in 2 days. She and I were supposed to be going a week from today but something came up. Which means I have to get myself to the airport, I have to check my own baggage, I have to get myself through security, I have to get myself to my gate. In other words, I have to be by myself and be a big little girl. I'm rather nervous. But obviously, I'm gonna have to get over it 'cause some day, flying by myself is going to be my job. yea! No, that wasn't sarcasism [sp?].

2004-12-09T13:07:00.000-06:00

I lost my tongue ring. One minute it was in my bra.... the next..... gone! So, I had to go buy another one yesterday. But no store carries bars that 5/8 of an inch unless you buy it in a package. So, now I'm the new reluctant owner of 5 tongue rings that have a jewel in them. I'm not too hot on the idea of something sparkly in my mouth. I would prefer a simple metal ball. The sacrifice I make...

Humanties! Humanites was entertaining today. Seriously! Tuesday and today were our review days for the final next week. If we don't volunteer to answer questions or ask questions on Tuesday, she gave us an index card with a 2 on it. The 2 card people will get a more difficult exam next week. People who volunteered to ask/answer questions got a 1 card and get an easier final because they earned it during the Q&A session. Well...... Sarah (wick wench of McWest or my roommate) got a 2 card. She and I sit next to one another by the way. Can ya guess what I got?! I got a 1 card. Hahahahhhahahahha! I get an easier final than her because she's stupid! Hahahahahahhahahahah!

Okay. I'm finished being mean.

I hate her. I'm done now. Promise

Audrey gave me a Christmas present! It was so cute and yummy.... some gourmet hot chocolates, lindor chocolate ball (my fave fave fave chocolate), other chocolates, flavored mixing sticks, and mug..... I love it! I know you'll read this too, Audrey! I love it.

My birthday is coming up soon. Does anyone know when it is? I'll give ya kiss on the cheek if you guess correctly.

Must go now. I have gender studies to prepare for because I think my partners are inadequate to keep up at this moment.

2004-12-08T01:31:00.000-06:00

You are Bettie Page

Girl next door with a wild streak
You're a famous beauty - with unique look
And the people like you are cultish about it

What Famous Pinup Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

2004-12-07T16:49:00.000-06:00

These past or passed days have been such a rush. It seems non-fucking-stop.

I figured out that if I keep giving mean stares to my laptop.... that good ole George (that's my laptop) will stop growling at. I'm being serious. He hasn't growled or hissed at me since last night.

I have a community builder tomorrow. Go me. Anyone reading this, come to my apartment from 9 pm to 10 pm for stress relief tips comm bulder. You can have cookies and drinks and whatever I can manage to whip up. You can make your own stress balls and if you get here first, I'll even give you a lavendar scented sleepmask.

Listen to me..... I sound as if I'm making a sales pitch.

BUY ME!

I'm lonely. I want my Idiot back. He's in Bedford for some family business. ::sniffle sniffle::

Filling out Christmas cards. This is the first time I have ever sent X-mas cards out to family in bulk.

I have ceramics in less than an hour. I hate that class only because of the professor. She is consumed with her own work rather than being a TEACHER..... heaven forbid!

I had celery and peanut butter for dinner. It was good. It was real goooooood. No, I'm not on a diet. I just had a craving for something green and flavorless with brown goo on it. FYI to whoever comes to my apartment to eat/borrow some peanut butter: Hope you don't mind that I dipped my celery in the jar.

Ka-blu-e!

2004-12-06T09:34:00.000-06:00

Ka-blu-ie!!!!!!

went my laptop. It's growling at me. John seems to think it is the fan again. I've already sent this damn thing in once because my laptop was overheating. And now it's growling and hissing at me! Damn fan....

I think Cara was very pleased with the gift I made/bought for her. I'm rather proud of it.

I think I may be coming down with something. Although, I'm sure that walk home from strike last night in the drizzle didn't help me any. Oh well.

My mom and dad came down for almost 24 hours this weekend! I was excited about that. I miss them already. I wish they could have brought a cat..... even Star would have liked the car ride. FYI, Star [the cat] likes joy-riding in the car. I have taken him for a ride before and he loves it. No joke.

Stop growling!!!!!!!!!!

2004-12-03T11:15:00.000-06:00

I'm worth $1,469,557.37! How much are you worth?

How can something so simple as drawing a name out of a contrainer go array? Two [2] people are buying gifts for me. Whereas other people didn't get gifts for whatever reasons. I don't understand. It's not rocket science people!

I'm not telling who I have for obvious reasons but I will say this.... I think SHE will like her gift on Sunday. It's partially bought, partially made.... by me.

Happy Madrigals!!!!

2004-11-30T20:54:00.000-06:00

Some people just don't get, don't know when to stop, or...... whatever.

2004-11-30T13:10:00.000-06:00

Alright, I suck. I got a 77 on my humanities exam..... and it was on my favorite period. Oh well. I'm going to kick some ass on the next one.

Must work on ceramics still. Yes, I know.... wet work was to be finished last week. But, I'm not motivated, dammit!

Interesting things happened yesterday. When I say interesting, I mean queer interesting things happened. We'll see how things will turn out.

You've been caught!

Alexander

2004-11-29T19:16:00.000-06:00

I saw Alexander over break. It was actually an alright movie considering I already knew some history on the Hollywood version.

First off, where did the penis scene go?! I have learned something in my gender studies class. Generally, movies are made by men for men..... Therefore, Colin's penis scene = so long schlong. Most heterosexual men don't want to see a penis on big screen because "men look really uncomfortable". Well honey, try looking at big breasts on the big screen. But I'm getting off track.

Secondly, Colin portrays Alexander.... duh. Well, Alexander was Greek.... double duh. For some of you people who are not familiar with Classical Greek and Hellenistic Greek cultures [Humanities 221.003 all the way baby!], bisexuality and homosexuality was not an uncommon practice. Well you may have guessed it, Colin plays bisexual Greek conqueror Alexander the Great. As I was watching the handsome Irish actor while he made google eyes at other men on the screen, I could hear fellow movie-goers making unnecessary remarks. Some even left in the middle of the movie. The "some" were mainly male but a few females. Good riddance sons-of-homophobic monkeys!

There is a group of Greek lawyers that have come together threatening to sue Oliver Stone [director]. Their request is to label the movie fictional about Alexander's character portrayal or cut out all the homosexual inuendos out. Read more here.

I found an article speaking of the homosexuality. I pasted an exerpt.

"Take the bisexuality away from the character of Alexander (played by Colin Farrell in the film) and what do you have? You have Kevin Sorbo as Hercules without the self-deprecation, Marc Singer as Beastmaster without the affinity for nature, and Brad Pitt as Achilles in "Troy" without the refurbished abs and off-screen affiliation with a cute sit-commer.

In other words, you have another boring gladiator-type movie.

Please, for the sake of avoiding another three hours of cookie-cutter crapola, let him be bisexual! If Alexander and Hephaestion had a relationship that was more Romeo and Juliet than Starsky and Hutch, why does this have to be "Lethal Weapon" in togas?

Heck, Angelina Jolie is playing Alexander's mom in this thing, despite the fact that she is only one year older than Farrell.

Hmmmm. I wonder what the producers would be trying to suggest by casting one of our reigning cinematic sex goddesses as the mother of one of our reigning cinematic studs?

Oedipus, anyone? I don't hear anyone protesting that.

Look, I'm all for artistic license. Hilary Duff can play Colin Farrell's mom for all I care.

But I don't think artistic license should be motivated by bigotry. And I don’t think the lives of historic figures should be altered because we're less tolerant than people who lived thousands of years ago."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

I'm here. I'm alive

2004-11-25T08:25:00.000-06:00

I made it home for Thanksgiving. I haven't been home in such a long time that I got on interstate 465 at 4 pm = rush hour. I travelled a HALF MILE in 30 MINUTES. Yeah, I'm an idiot.

I missed my kitties so much. I think Buster had forgotten who I was. He didn't even come to me when I walked in the door. Belle and Billie came right to me.

And now I help mom in the kitchen to make the good 'ole food.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Everyone be safe.

Amelie

2004-11-23T01:59:00.000-06:00

Le Fabuleux destin d'Amelie Poulain also known as Amelie is magical. Sorry, I had to use that specific word because this movie was breathtaking.

True, it's obviously French. True again, it's obviously foreign. And once again, true, it's subtitled.

I don't even know what possessed me to watch it in the first place but I'm glad I did. In fact, I've been muttering under my breath how USI channel never plays anything good and that everytime I turn that particular station on, there's a foreign movie on. I'm thankful for that slap in the face.

People! If you have USI channel, watch the damn movie. People! If you don't, rent the damn movie.

Rambling

2004-11-22T23:13:00.000-06:00

My friend Brian..... I love him! I haven't seen him in a long time. Well, he came over tonight. He wanted to know if he could "reunite" Sarah and I together. I told him nope. He said yes. This went on for awhile because he likes to argue for the sake of arguing. I told him to stop arguing with me because he only knew her side of the story. Laughing by now, he informs me that listening to her he realized her version was biased in the first place. And, that he didn't even want to listen to her in the first place. That put a smile on my face.

Speaking of Sarah..... I took the garbage out last. Therefore, it's her turn. Approximately 1 to 1 1/2 weeks later, the trash remains in the trash can. I took the garbage bags out of the closet so she has to buy her own. I have a feeling she's not going to take the garbage out. But I don't care. I'm going to be a bitch about this. Everything is split down the middle. Half my responsibility and the other half...... is...... hers. Who else?

I'm behind on my ceramic deadline. Bloody hell!

My future community builders (stress tips and healthy fast food) are coming along just fine. I have the information researched..... now I just have to hope that people will actually come to the damn things. I hate community builders.

I am the proud owner of Sex and the City game!

I saw Bridget Jones Diary: The edge of reason yesterday. Awesome movie! Not mine and John's original movie plans but I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. I think he did too, but he would never admit it.

Less than 48 hours till I see my mom and dad and kitties!

2004-11-21T02:29:00.000-06:00

Buzzzzzzzz......

I had a talk with Audrey tonight..... one of my favorite people.

I want to fall asleep, but I don't want to close my eyes. I want to wake up.

And I have to pee.

On that note, I'll think I'll go.

Landmarker

2004-11-18T13:38:00.000-06:00

'Tis my understanding that I will have 2 new roommates. The devine Kensington and the rapturous Cara.

And if my understanding is to be correct, the devine Kensington will be my roommate and the rapturous Cara will be with the "Wicked Wench of McWest" aka Sarah. Cara, show no mercy. God speed.

Today is my mama's birthday. Happy birthday mom! Love you. Kisses!!!!!!!!!

Etc, etc, etc

2004-11-16T21:36:00.000-06:00

Thanks to Cara, the blog-whore [her words, not mine], my haloscan is up and running. Thank you Cara!

Today has been an alright sorta day. Encouraging hugs, encouraging words..... thank you.

Went to the ampitheatre with John for dinner. He got us Subway while I was in choir and then we went for a "picnic" in the quasi-dark. It was nice. Took my mind off of things.

2004-11-15T10:07:00.000-06:00

100 things that one usually does not know about me.

Music, Art, & Theatre
1. My favorite piece of classical music is Second Movement, Concerto for Oboe and Violin in D Minor by Johann Sebastian Bach.
2. I played violin for 8 years and was never in a choir until college.
3. I also love Michael Nyman music. He composed the music for the movie Gattaca.
4. My favorite musical production in high school was South Pacific. It was beautiful...
5. Christmas songs are relaxing and comforting to listen to but a drag to actually sing.
6. My second favorite piece of classical music is Canon by Pachalbel.
7. Alex Grey, Salavador Dali, and Georgia O'Keefe are my favorite artists.
8. My favorite contempory band is Coldplay [makes me think of John]
9. I like creating funtional art in 3D and emotional art in 2D.
10. I favor watching a live musical versus a live play.
11. My third favorite pice of classical music is Highlights from Oboe Concerto: Adagio by Marcello.
12. I have discovered a band called Portishead pronounced Por-teh-shay. Kind of an electronic, underground, punk sound.

Family & Friends
13. I was born December 18, 1983 at 2:50 pm.
14. I have 1 grandpa and 1 great-grandma. The rest of my g-parents are related to me by marriage.
15. I am the only grandchild on my mom's side of the family.
16. Aunt Beverly is my favorite aunt.
17. I have 4 children: Buster, Belle, Billie, and Star [cats by the way]
18. I live with my parents but I leave for college to live on campus.
19. I don't speak to my biological father.
20. My half-brother's name is Lee. I have never had the chance to speak to him.
21. I primarily resemble my biological father's family but act 90% like my mom.
22. My best friends are my mom and John [my boyfriend].
23. I don't have many friends since graduating high school.
24. I'm a mama's girl.
25. Concerning my potential future family, I want to have 8 children.
26. No, I do not plan "birthing" all of them. I would like to adopt if the husband is agreeable.
27. My mom just knew I was going to be a boy.... my name was to be Jonathan Kent. Imagine her surprize when her little boy had a vagina instead of a penis...

Personality/habits
28. When I went to the dentist last, she informed I'm an angressive brusher.
29. I've become a "list" person. I'm lost without a list telling where to go, what to get, etc.
30. I'm a procrastinator.
31. It's rather difficult for me to block out conversations when speaking or listening to another person.
32. Stuborn should have been my middle name.
33. When I was born I had rusty nail red hair, weighed 8.6 lbs, and was 21" long = fat, ugly baby. 34. My personality has hardened since I came to college.
35. There are a select few whom I give the privilege to see my world.
36. I'm a binge eater when stressed; Which makes things worse because I already have a bad body image in my head.
37. I can be your best friend or I can be your worst enemy.
38. I'm a bad judge of charcter.
39. I'm horrible about saving money; But, I'm trying to fix that.
40. I learned to be a bitch from one of the best [not that that is something to brag about]. Thanks mama.
41. I have a natural scowl.
42. More frown wrinkles exist on my face than smile wrinkles.
43. My mind is constantly on the go..... never stops thinking.
44. I bite my nails. It's gross, I know.

My firsts
45. My first kiss was when I was in pre-school durring a game of chase "naaa nana boo-boo. miss me miss me, now ya gotta kiss me" = smooch on the lips for that lucky little boy.
46. I believe my first word was either "No" or "cookie".
47. My first reciprocated love: John
48. My first car was a 2000 blue focus which I lovingly called Otis
49. Red [rust colored pony] was my first pet.
50. My first friend befriended me in the first grade, Donna Bullock.
51. My first date with John was January 29, 2001. We ate Long John's for dinner and saw Castaway.

Memories
52. The earliest memory [2.5 years old] from my childhood was my parents wedding. I was the flower girl who wouldn't stop putting her dress over her head or stop picking at her corsage.
53. Chuck E. Cheese: I was 3-4 years old and could not stop starring at the singging mouse machines. They frightened me but I didn't tell anyone.
54. The first spanking [2.5 - 3.5 years old] I remember is when I painted the entire living room in acrylic paint.
55. I remember going to the symphony [with my favorite aunt #15] and falling in love with classical music.
56. ....Thinking of my first period and my reaction to it and showing my mom. I'm not going into details.

Pet Peeves
57. Adults sucking thumbs.
58. People don't use their turn SIGNALS when changing lanes or turning.
59. "I love you more." "No, I love you more." No, I love you more."
60. Vindictive, selfish people
61. self-important, self-righteous [sp?], caluculating, manipulative assholes
62. Liars
63. Dishonesty and disloyalty
64. people who won't help themselves
65. I hate being in an elevator with someone who has strong parfume/cologne.

Miscellaneous Favorites
66. Food: Macaroni n' cheese with mashed potatoes
67. Meal: #59 with meatloaf
68. Movie: Thomas Crown Affair [Pierce Brosnan]
69. Musical: My Fair Lady or Meet Me in St. Louis
70. Actor: Jonny Depp or Hugh Jackman
71. Actress: Julia Roberts, Ashley Judd, or Audrey Hepburn
72. Alcohol concoction: panty dropper = malibu coconut rum, sprite, and cranberry juice..... yum....
73. Color: Orange and red
74. Parfume scent: Lily of the valley

Politics [general] & Religion
75. I have liberal beliefs but I follow a conservative path.
76. Example: I feel women should have an abortion; It's their body. But I truly believe that I wouldn't have one if that issue were to come up.
77. I'm agnostic.
78. Allow me to elaborate. I'm spiritual; Some thing is up there up us out. It just doesn't have a figure or denomination.
79. Homosexuals, transexuals, etc should have all the same rights as a heterosexual has.

Miscellaneous Factoids
80. If one misuses my trust, it's very hard for me to give said person a second chance.
81. It bothers me when people mistake my eye color to be hazel when in fact my eyes are obviously GREEN.
82. I'm addicted to Amazon.
84. I'm also addicted to The Sims.
85. I'm double-also addicted to X-box Fable.
86. Running out of handsoap in my bathroom isn't an issue because I use hand sanitizer stuff.
87. I didn't know how to tie my shoes until I was in the second grade.
88. I didn't know how to swim until the 3 rd grade.
89. Shoes and purses is an obsession of mine.
90. Surprizingly, I don't have that many shoes or purses considering my obsession. I guess I have some will power.
91. I hate dealing with any kind of customer service person. May it be bank, creditor, retail, etc.
92. I have horrible mood swings for no reason.
93. I'm a bad liar.
94. I'm very flattered that people can talk to me as a confidant and not worry if I'll others their business.
95. Did anyone notice there wasn't a #83?
96. I'm not a morning person.
97. I drool in my sleep. Which is why I try to always bring my pillow if I know I'm staying at someone else's place.
98. I bathe at least once a month.
99. I have lost my keys only once in my life. And I lost them good. I lost them in another state.
100. I have a giraffe named Dali..... for Salvador Dali.

Obsessed

2004-11-14T17:28:00.000-06:00

I do not claim to be a creative person. I just tell it like it is. And this is how it is but it will not stay like this.

I have created my own prison. Being a good judge of character is obviously not a forte of mine. Otherwise, I would not be in the position that I am in.

I tried to be a "people-pleaser". And in doing so, I demonstrated my weaknesses. I couldn't put my foot down.

And now that I have finaly slammed that foot of mine down, the foot has bounced back up and kicked me in the ass. I'm trying to recuperate from the blow.

But now, I've become a mad woman. Nothing is on my mind except for the giggling banshee her and minion of a boyfriend who looks like David Bowie in the late 70's.

I'm not eating well. I don't sleep well. I can't concentrate.

But I can control those things, yet I don't have the motivation.

First entry

2004-11-14T03:38:00.000-06:00

Temporary journal: here

Unofficial old journal: here