The storm has passed. I can come out now to play but I don't want to. I've been discarded too easily - my ego is bruised. I'm like wallpaper and you just keep on going by without a second thought.

Bongo-ed your bongos at 7:29 AM

This place sucks. I don't mean Evansville the city persay [word?] - I mean the reality I have created for myself. It's a hell hole. I need a change... a big change. My mind is yearning for something new, my body is aching for a new touch.

You know what the hell I want to do?! I want to quit this bullshit college crap and go be a stinkin' flight attendant. In the spring, I want to apply to ALL airlines and hopefully get hired on in the summer. I'll go anywhere they want to send me! But you know what I'm going to do? Probably move back home to my new old life. New old life you ask? My family is moving and said they've already planned in my coming home for the summer = new. The same people will be in that city that I ran away from in the first place = old.

That old part of my life is still too fresh... raw opened wounds are still there. I would feel to vulnerable there. Yet if I stay here in Evansville, I'll shut myself away. No one will reach me. I will be consumed with fear of letting others get too close again and then just hurt me. I'm chickenshit. I run. I hide. It's a bitch.

I want to leave this physical and emotional place and leave it all behind me. Not a care in the world. Go live with those weird Irish, right Natalie? You know I would like that. Or how about livin' it up with the Italians or the Greeks? I want culture. I crave culture

I'm craving something else... something out west. I want to feel that something and I want that something to feel me. Breath. Smell. Warmth. Understanding.

I can't sleep...

Bongo-ed your bongos at 5:16 AM

Long time no type. Me wonders if people come here anymore since i temporarily abandoned blogger...

To those that call my cell, you may not be able to reach me. I don't receive some calls but I do, however, receive ALL messages. Moral to this schpeel, leave me a message and I will try my damnedest [word?] to get back to you :)

Classes are awesome. I'm a little apprehensive about figure drawing class... not sure if I will be successful in it.

I'm working at Macy's. Boo! So if you want to buy overpriced jewelry or want to open a credit account [wink wink] I'm ALWAYS working except Tuesdays and Thursdays.

My over-reacting thoughts: I'm in debatement over everything. I mean EVERYTHING... friendships [mainly past friendships], my relationship to John, my living status which will effect what college I go to next fall. I'm surprised I don't have an ulcer... just migraines

Good news! I have a new cat! Bad news is I have three cats in a one bedroom apartment with two people live here

Bongo-ed your bongos at 5:06 PM